women of a certain age are like sunflowers; they know how to turn their faces to the sun.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

It All Adds Up

"Hamming's Motto: The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers."

- Hamming (duh!)

I spent much of the last two days adjusting to my new modifier: Diabetic.

I joined the Diabetic support group on Ravelry. I signed up for the Diabetic e-newsletter on Web MD. I bookmarked the Diabetes Center. I read your comments and private messages.

I thanked God for the miracle that is the Internet...

And I learned...

A lot.

So much makes sense now. All the little niggling symptoms that developed over the past year:
  • Dry mouth
  • Thirst
  • Tingling and buzzing sensations
  • Cold feelings on the back of my neck
  • Leg pain & restlessness
  • Dry skin on the soles of my feet
  • Cracks and fungal infections on my lips
  • Fatigue
  • Blurred Vision
All are due to the Diabetes and its attendant neuropathy. These seemingly unrelated health issues have a common cause and a potential cure.

Yeah rah!

Except for the neurological symptoms. I understand those are irreversible, but at least I can prevent further damage.

Boo hiss!

And please don't fret; this is so NOT going to turn into a blog about my medical condition. After all, there are so many other more interesting things to talk about...

Like, oh-I-don't-know, YARN?

It does, however, have me thinking about how many times we look back with 20/20 hindsight and see all the little things that added up to our current position.

My time with the Arts Chorale and the Indianapolis Opera brought me confidence in my own abilities and taught me the due diligence of hard effort. It reshaped my self image to innovative, dynamic individual (who me?), rather than a flibbertigibbet. I doubt I would have had the cojones to start Sunflower Designs without this experience.

My mom's illness taught me compassion and the need for support in difficult times. It also showed me a strength I didn't know I possessed until then.

The depression brought me my good friend and colleague Greg. It also gifted me with an entirely new personality and outlook on life. I learned to look deeper. Which blesses me to this day.

My time at seminary added up to my emergence as a writer and a contemplative. It made me comfortable talking of things like calling and mission. It led directly to both my book and, most fulfilling of all, this blog and all the communion that has sprung from it.

As my ever-wise BabyBoy/FamilyMan puts it:

"Mom, I wouldn't give up any of the hard things I have come through in my life, because it made me who I am."

Don't think I can improve on that one.

You know, if we really knew all that we would accomplish at the beginning of our journey, we would find it most intimidating.

If I made a list for Conner, it would run to hundreds of pages. If not thousands. He has his entire life (minus 7 months) ahead of him.

He just concentrates on sitting up and creeping. And balancing himself on Grandpa's shoulders.

That is more than enough for today. The rest can unfold in its own time...

I am sure that someday I will have a long list of blessings that Diabetes brought me. Already, it has brought me your support (THANKS!!!!) and knowledge that I m not a hypochondriac.

That is more than enough for today. The rest can unfold in its own time...


Speaking of adding up...

The great destash of 2009 continues apace. You guys have NO IDEA how much yarn I have!

But you might be starting to get the picture.

Four weeks of sales and still going strong...

I am more than a little embarrassed by y'all knowing how excessive obsessive my desire for yarn has been. I think I was looking for something and just didn't know what it was until I began designing.

And now, by letting go of it, I can clean out my psyche.

To say nothing of my closets.

This Saturday: Sundara, Fleece Artist, Handmaiden, Debbie Bliss, Rowan, Blue Moon, Malabrigo, Jo Sharp, Vittadini, and much much much MORE!!!

And lest you think that all has been medical research around here...

This is Vinyasa, one of the Zen Collection scarves.

Vinyasa yoga is all about flow. I think it is the perfect name for this sinuous creation.

She is a stole, rather than a scarf, but only takes 6 balls of Rowan Purelife organic cotton 4-ply in natural.

Can't wait to see her blocked out...

And this is Ohm.

I think...

Not sure if I like the pattern. Although the little drops seem a natural for the blue. Maybe I will like her better blocked out...

Leave me a comment and let me know what YOU think.

Now I think I will sign off and go cast on for Pampas - the first design in the 2009 Garden Variety Collection.

That is more than enough for today. The rest can unfold in its own time...


Anonymous said...

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing okay and things are moving forward. You definitely have the right attitude!

Your post was inspirational as always :) Thank you so much for sharing!

I've missed out on your destashing :( sad sad sad ... I'll have to see if I can get something this Sunday :)

Anonymous said...

With good control, sometimes the neurologic symptoms will lessen. Good luck (I've been T2 for over 20years now). Good luck!

Megan said...

great post, great post! Love the new patterns, I like the Ohm little drops they look like little bells to me and I love love love the edge. Vinyasa is fantastic, its so fun and playful =)

Jeannie said...

I'm so glad to see that you're looking into the positives now. What a great way to look at things.

I like both of the designs! They look great just like that. The main section of Ohm looks like little scoops to me--like hands cupped together to drink water.

You still have a lot of yarn. I missed last weekend's sale. You could save some of it to send out to sample/test knitters. I know that the few patterns that I've test knitted for you, were probably not done in the most ideal yarn to show off your pattern. I was focused on speed, since that's what you needed at the time. But organizing that might be a bigger headache than just selling it.

Anonymous said...

Always hard to accept but I believe everything happens for a reason and we can turn it into something good... God knows best what that might be.

The designs I think are great but I know if you're not happy with any part of them they will change and the end result will be great too.

Unknown said...

vinyasa is really really Really beautiful, and so is ohm, but in a more "predictable" way (to me at least!). I love the unusual nature of vinyasa and of snowdrift (which is becoming my first grandchild's baby blanket at the moment--a little wider and shorter than your scarf).

Thought you were finished last week!!! (getting down to the pepto bismol at last ;) ) wow you *do* have a lot of yarn , and thanks ever so much again for sharing.

Your patterns and your spirit are both truly inspiring!

And I'm very glad that you sound better.

anne watson said...

That scarf is really beautiful! You are amazingly talented! Have you ever thought of submitting a design to knitty?

Laura said...

You have such insights that I enjoy reading about. Thanks!

I like Ohm, it looks like dew drops to me.

teabird said...

I love OM! The little cups look like hands in a mudra to me.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about your Diabetes but it sounds like you are dealing with it bravely. Good Luck and Much Strength to you!

I actually just wanted to come on here and leave a message thanking you for your designs. They are truly inspired and I hope you will compile them into a book. They are too difficult for me to follow right now but I would just love to be able to flip through the pages.

--balzac (from Ravelry)