Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
and nothing happened.
"BUGGER" does not cover this.
It doesn't even come close.
Now I back up on a regular basis: every Saturday night. However, when I thought back to all the design work I had done since last Saturday, I wanted to sit down and cry.
- All the charts for Inland Sea
- Corrected charts for Morocco
- Beginning directions for Cheryl, my test knitter (I have a friend who believes in revelation by typo. The first time through I typed "teat" instead of test. Hmm... maybe I am taking this whole "who's-going-to-raise-my-baby's-twin" thing too literally...)
- Correspondence with suppliers, with family, with friends
- I tried unplugging it. Nope...
- I tried cleaning it. No Ma'am...
- I tried blowing compressed air into its innards. Nada...
- I tried disconnecting everything and reconnecting it. Zip...
- I tried putting it in a paper sack, going out on the front lawn, waving it around in a circle over my head, and clucking like a chicken...
Wait a minute. That wasn't me. It was Dick Van Dyke.
My ever helpful hubby suggested removing the battery and replacing it. Of course, first I had to find it...
The digital thermostat was starting to sound like a piece of cake.
Upon locating the battery 20 minutes later, I removed it, placed my hands upon the lid, and, before reinserting the battery, said a variation of the prayer I say whenever I begin my meditation:
"Come Holy Spirit. Come as the fire and burn. Come as the wind and cleanse. Convert and consecrate my life to my great good and your great glory."
Only I substituted "my computer" for "my life."
Effective? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT WAS!!!!!!
That little electronic gizmo trembled under my hand, gave a little "whirr" of contentment, and sprang to life under my fingertips. Hallelujah! We have seen the promised land!
Now I don't know that God directly intervened. I sort of hope he has better things to do. All I know is, my computer is on, I am in business, and...
What was that third thing?
Oh yeah. Now I remember.
My files are fully backed up. On a Thursday, no less.
Because, while Jesus may indeed save, I think he could use a little assist from the peanut gallery now and again...
Just to be sure.